Betty ford says i'm here all night
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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