My sheets look like a crime scene.
just tell him i said nine months
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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