Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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