so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
