why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
