I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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