I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
