we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
