I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
