If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
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