i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
