boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
