Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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