Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
