Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
