I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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