Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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