How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
