aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
