Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
