So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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