Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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