I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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