This girl is more easily done than said...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
