i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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