Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
