Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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