I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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