Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
