awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dignity is for republicans.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
