just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
