I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
