I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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