I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
