So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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