Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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