Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
