Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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