i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
