Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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