let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
