3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
