i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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