If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
