It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
