i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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