Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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