I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
