I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
