first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
