so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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