Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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