we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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