You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
